Social Dancin’s dead romantic. Ah love aw that Gay Gordons an Dashin White Sergeants an huvin tae curtsy tae yir partner; ma favourite dances are the Tango an the Lindy Hop an ah love watchin Fred Astair an Ginger Rogers daein it in aw the auld movies.

Mister Anderson’s oor teacher fur Social Dancin an he’s pure gorgeous: He’s only aboot twenty-odd an he’s got spikey blond hair an blue eyes, an he’s got a pure sexy bum. The only thing ah don’t like aboot Social Dancin at school is that ah never get a decent partner, ah always get aw the mingers an aw the wans that step on yir toes.

*

It wis ma ma that got me intae it. When she wis a wee lassie she went every week tae dance classes in the Paisley toon hall an she won loadsa medals fur it. Last night, she wis showin me how tae dae the Charleston while she wis waitin on the dinner cookin when ma pal Charlene came tae the door. Charlene hen, ma ma said, Come on in an huv a boogie wi us. Charlene jist looked at me an rolled her eyes an said, Kirsty you’re sooo never comin tae a Kirky disco wi us, she said, Yi’d get us pure laughed aff the dance flair.

*

This mornin we hud Social Dancin first thing but ah couldnae dae it cos ah twistet ma ankle last night when ah wis daein the Charleston; ah hud tae sit oot on the bench next tae Harpreet, an Charlene an Charlene’s pal Kelly Marie. Harpreet’s parents hud rit a letter tae the school sayin she’s no allowed tae dae it cos it’s against her religion tae dance wi boys. Ah don’t exactly understaun the reason she’s no allowed, but ah know it’s got somethin tae dae wi the fact that she’s gettin an arranged marriage. Thir’s nothin up wi Charlene an Kelly Marie though, they jist pure canny be bothert daein it.

Kelly Marie is wan ae these folk that talk an talk an talk. An aw she ever talks aboot is hersel an whatever guy she fancies. The day she wis talkin aboot wit she’s wearin tae the Kirky disco this Friday. Charlene’s gaun wi her an she’s no even ast me, an Charlene’s meant tae be ma best pal.

Ah’ve no’hin decent ae wear, said Kelly Marie, even though she’s the type ae lassie that wid look good in a black bin bag. Wit aboot yir white jeans wi the new pink halter neck tap yi goat oota Zig Zag last saturday, said Charlene. Naw, she said, Ah’ve stoapped wearin they white jeans cos they mek ma arse luck big. Ah thought tae masel, See you Kelly Marie yir full ae it, yir jist pure fishin fur compliments. Well wit aboot yir light blue jeans then, said Charlene, Ah hink yi should wear yir light blue jeans wi the pink halter neck tap. D’yi think so, said Kelly Marie. Aye yi’ll look smashin, said Charlene, Won’t she Kirsty. Emm aye, ah said, even though ah didnae no wit a halter neck top wis. Are you gaun, Kelly Marie said tae me. Ah hadnae really thought aboot it cos Dirty Dancin wis comin on the telly an wantet tae watch it, but ah jist said, Emm ah dunno ah might. Then Charlene buttet in an said, Ah don’t hink it’s really your scene, Kirsty.

*

We hud Social Dancin again the day an ma ankle wis still sair so ah hud tae sit oot on the bench wi Harpreet an Charlene an Kelly Marie again. Harpreet wis daein her French homework an ah wis watchin Mister Anderson showin the class how tae dae a Foxtrot, an Kelly Marie wis talkin an talkin an talkin aboot her hair an her makeup an how she thought Chris Rice fae ma Regi class wis pure sexy.

Aw dae yi no hink he’s jist a pure darlin, she said. He’s lik the pure nicest luckin guy in oor hail year. Aye he’s awright, said Charlene. Awright, said Kelly Marie, You’ve nae taste. Ah heard he’s a pure brilliant dancer but, said Charlene. He is, said Kelly Marie, He can pure brek dance an dae the splits an aw that. That’s pure brilliant, said Charlene, Ah wish ah could dae the splits. Dae yi hink he ’ll want tae nip me the morra night at the Kirky disco, said Kelly Marie. Ah’ll ask him, said Charlene, Me an Chris are lik that. She crossed two fingers an ah wantet tae burst oot laughin when ah seen her daein it cos she disnae even know Chris Rice. The only time she’s ever been near him wis that time when he come up tae me in the dinner hall an ast if he could copy ma Geography homework.

Kelly Marie hud managed tae stop talkin fur aboot two seconds an she wis sittin paintin her nails wi tipex when Mister Anderson come up an ast her wit she wis daein. Ah’m paintin mah nails, she said. She didnae even look up when she said it, she jist kept pittin the tipex on her nails till they wur completely white an then she blawed on them tae help dry it in. An what should you be doin, Mister Anderson said. Kelly Marie opent her bag up an took oot a green projector screen pen that she’d obviously knocked aff wan ae the teachers, an then she drew a wee love heart on her nail an wiggult it aboot. Miss Walker, said Mister Anderson. Aye, said Kelly Marie, That’s ma name don’t wear it oot. Charlene startet tae giggle an ah nearly did as well but ah jist managed tae stop masel. See me at the end of the period, he said.

Then Mister Anderson looked at me an he said, How’s the foot Kirsty, an ah said, Still sore but hopefully it’ll be awright fur next week, sir. That’s wit ah like tae hear, he said, an then he smiled at me an ah pure felt ma heart bumpin up intae ma throat. He wis aboot tae walk away again when Charlene said, Ha ha Kirsty’s got a pure riddy ah ha Kirsty fancies Mister Anderson. Ah thought the ground wis gaunny open up an swally me. Ah wis pure mortified. Ah coulda kilt Charlene.

An wot’s your excuse for not takin part today Miss Clark. It isnae an excuse said Charlene, Ah’ve got a sair stomach. Have you brought a note, he said. How could ah bring a note, sir, she said, Ah cannae predict if ah’m gaunny be no well. Well, it seems to me, said Mister Anderson, That this is a re-occurrin illness and if it persists ah’ll have to ask you to bring a letter from your doctor. O.k. Naw, said Charlene. Ah beg your pardon, said Mister Anderson. It’s mah time ae the month, she said, O.kaay. Mister Anderson walked away shakin his heid. Dick, said Charlene, under her breath, then she looked at me fur confirmation that he wis a dick, an ah said, Aye ah know.

Aye well that’s him shattered, Charlene said tae Kelly Marie, How did you no say yi hud yir period. Kelly Marie shrugged an then showed aff wan haun wi tipex coatet fingernails an wee green pictures; then she turnt roon tae Harpreet an said, Heh hingmy - wit’s that religious lassie’s name again - Harpreech or whatever yir name is how come he didnae pull you up. Sorry, said Harpreet, she looked up fae the textbook she wis readin. How you no daein it, said Kelly Marie. Oh, said Harpreet, It’s against ma religion to do Social Dancin. Oo against yir religion, said Charlene, Everythin’s against your bliddy religion.

Ah wished Charlene wid jist shut up. Harpreet’s dead nice an she’s been a much better pal tae me than Charlene has, lately. Ever since she’s been hangin aboot wi that Kelly Marie an aw the wans fae Moorpark, she’s been gettin dead sarky.

Kelly Marie said, Heh wit religion are you anyway. Harpreet said, Ah’m a sihk. Seek, said Kelly Marie, Yi don’t look no well tae me, an then her an Charlene startet sniggerin. Charlene said, Next time we get tolt tae dae Social dancin ah’m gaunny say ah canny cos it’s against ma religion.

*

This mornin, Mister Anderson picked me tae go up an demonstrate the military two step wi him in front ae the whole class. Ah wis dead nervous in case ah mucked it up even though ah’d been practicin non-stop the whole weekend. When ah pit ma airm on his shooder ah jist aboot faintet cos ah could feel how muscly he wis underneath his shirt. Then he said in front ae the whole class that ah wis a brilliant dancer.

Mister Anderson made aw the lassies line up against the waw so’s the boys could pick a partner. Kelly Marie wis made tae dae it fur a change but that wis because she’d been warnt if she got one mair puni then she wis on a behaviour time table. She wis pure bealin: partly because she wis made dae it when Charlene wis aff sick, an partly cos everubdy in school hud been talkin aboot the Kirky disco an how Chris Rice hud gave her a knock back.

Kelly Marie wis staunin right next tae me when Chris walked ower taewards us, an he went an pure blanked her. He wis lookin straight at me when he held oot his haun an ah nearly fell ower wi the shock (an so did Kelly Marie) an then he smiled at me an said, Kirsty wid yi like tae dance.

---------------------------------------------------------

LITRO issue 2 featured another story by the same author. Lynsey Calderwood rebuilt her life through creative writing following a traumatic brain injury at the age of fourteen. Her autobiography ‘Cracked’ was published by Jessica Kingsley in November 2002. She still continues to write. Mostly about life, love, brains and the under dog.

Please leave your comments below, or see www.litro.co.uk for more info. Thanks!